I felt like crying, really, when I failed
to pass the hill for the second time. I failed. The car just won’t go over that
hill and ugh, I felt, feel frustrated
and angry at myself. Not to mention guilty too, for wasting a load of my father’s
money. 250 per test is not exactly cheap, is it? And times three that amount! I
had no problem during practices. In fact, I did perfectly. I don’t know why
during exams I just panic and…. I’m not sure what I did wrong, though I think
is that in my panic I pressed the clutch back down again when I released the
handbrake, and I had specifically reminded myself not to do that. I could have
cried, in fact I did. I felt like a total failure and disappointment. My sister
passed hers perfectly the first time round, and my brother passed his bukit and
stuff the first time round too! What’s wrong with me? Worse, my confidence
level drops with each time I failed. The first time I felt fairly confident and
ended up shaking after I ‘slip back down’, and this time… I felt dejected. It’s
not quite a blow as the first time like some tiny part of me had already
accepted it but oh, I just want to do it all over again! Tear up that piece of
paper in frustration! I wish I could have some practice with the car first
before the test, every car’s different right? But there really isn't any point
in grumbling anymore. All I can now do is concentrate and hope the next time I can
really pass. Please please please. It feels horrible not passing. Like it’s
hanging above your head, a great big cloud, nibbling away at the back of your
mind while you wait for your next exam. It’s awful! I feel horrible! I know I shouldn't over think too much. I should be confident with myself after so many hours of
practice. Just relax and most importantly, don’t panic! Take it slow and easy. Yeah.
Easier said than done. Oh god, I shouldn't be so negative. I can pass. I have
to pass. I know I will pass. Yes, that’s better. The odd thing is, after
failing this second time, I feel oddly calm. Maybe it’s a good sign, showing
that I know what to do the next time. I have learnt more by failing. Pfft, just
wish that it doesn’t cost this much. Well, three times lucky, they say. Meanwhile,
I’m keeping my fingers cross while licking my wounds.
