Okay

Came back from jogging and I just had to write.

Stop fighting. Stop struggling. Stop resisting. Stop pushing. Just stop.

Suddenly everything seemed so calm and peaceful. Suddenly everything is just as it is.

Is this even possible? This beautiful feeling? Sometimes it feels so fragile it hurts.

Cradle it gently. Afraid of letting in burst, afraid of letting it get hurt. Just cradle.

Slowly, as time goes on and everything seems fine (and not fine at the same time but that's okay), I dared to poked a bit at the bubble.

Surprisingly, it's still fine. I poked a bit more.

What does it mean to live courageously? When you live out of love.

I remembered that year and a half ago when we were asked to hug yourself, it felt so awkward and weird. Now, it actually feels like... home.

Maybe it's all meant to be. Having all these conversations and reflections actually helped me to be more at peace with myself.

The future is the most beautiful and wondrous place waiting to be explored.

.

Haven't wrote in quite some time. Thoughts are like clouds. They come and they go. I can have my mind bursting full of things I am dying to tell the world one minute and the next, everything just ebbs away. I guess I will document a few things.

1. I am okay, and yet not okay at the same time. Thanks for asking thanks for your concerns I really truly appreciate it. 
2. Life is as it is. 
3. I am enough.
4. The mind is a powerful tool. If you learn how to take advantage of it - life will be so much better.
5. It's okay to be sad. 
6. Accept. 
7. No such thing as 'should'. 

Funny how the things we learn since we were young, as we grow older we learn that not everything is at it is. We learn to respect the elders since young but when we grow up we realise not every adult deserves respect but in fact everyone deserves respect. Perspectives changes beliefs dissolves rules change. We realise there are always exception to the rules it's okay to bend rules sometimes. We learn to be true to ourselves and that sometimes means being out of the norm and that's okay. We learn to question who said that in the first place. It's a painful process. Growing up is a painful process.

So what happens if someone fails to catch up? Fails to understand the hidden rules of life which there are no rules? We have a little less happiness and innocence in this world. 

Faith to everything is as it is. Trust in ourselves. Learn not to take myself too seriously. Learn to give love and accept love.

In this world where everyone is dying to find out everything and wanting to be sure wanting that certainty of everything - I am afraid what the world has to offer will disappoint most. For nothing is certain. It is scary to embrace the uncertainty... I can't believe for me it has broken down into the simplest form.

With things catching up I can feel it slowly creeping up again. But it's different now because I have tools. I have my emergency kit and my long term storage kit. I have my arsenals. I have options. I have my love.

Package of sunshine?

1. Restructure

2. Distract

3. Mindfulness

*to be taken when needed

When all hope seemed lost the smallest one still exist in the deepest corner. Guide it out. Tap into my inner light.

Sometimes when everything is alright, it feels like puzzle pieces falling into its place. 

When the walls break down? Tired, stressed, feeling unloved, lacking attention. What does it mean if you don't have enough attention? It means I am annoying, it means I don't deserve attention. What does it mean if you don't deserve attention? It means I am not good enough / important enough / lovable enough. It means I need to change. What does it mean if you feel stress? It means I am not good enough to cope with the things. What does it mean if you are tired? It means I am a failure. What does it mean if you are a failure? It means I am a loser and I am never good enough.

Not good enough 

I know I am not supposed to hate but I really hate these three words. These words that had crippled so many people caused so much unhappiness and who knows how many relationships failure. Who on earth started this concept that there needs to be a certain standard for everyone to achieve anyway?

.....

Mission in life is simply to love and to spread more love.