Lately

Lately I realise I don't usually pen down my feelings anymore. I have learned to condense and simplify my feelings, into a single sentence, a short poem. I jot them down on random bits of papers and lose them, I share it on Facebook if I deem it passable. But most of the time, I swallow them.

Is it healthy to do this? I do not know. I do tend to forget a lot of stuff, a lot of reasons for feeling the way I feel sometimes, a lot of changes lost to myself.

But no matter what is it I am glad I had learned to be happier. Comparing myself to my last post in two years ago, I am much happier. I have closer friends now, I form deeper relationships, I am working on something that actually brings impact to the society, which is something I really wanted to do. But I do not know why, sometimes I still like feeling sad, I still like shutting myself out of the world and watch it pass me by as an outsider. Lately I am thinking that 'being emo' is my default mode. And the others are just additional settings.

Lately I am beginning to wonder, as I go through all these huge changes in my life, as I try to transform myself to be the best of me, am I losing sight of what's really important? Am I rushing through life I forgotten to appreciate the little things around me? And I am so eager for the perfect end of my transformation that I forgotten about myself? My feelings, my emotions, my soul, my body. Am I not taking enough notice of whatever else is going on in my life? Am I forgetting my true self?

For you see, that's the thing that I am dreading the most.