Still Looking

I guess when I keep mentioning to people that I am happy I am lying. Ok maybe not lying but the partial truth? There is always a sort of emptiness inside of me. The emptiness after separating with a friend after a particularly good conversation/hangout, the emptiness even if the hangout wasn't very good and I just wanna go back and fix something, the emptiness that leads me to continue checking all my platforms of social media even if there is no particular update, just to crave for that bit of connection.

Aren't human beings just weird? At the same time that I yearn to be alone, I am screaming for people around me not to leave me and just be there. At the same time that I wish people will ask me about my deep personal issues, I am hoping that they would not do just that. At the same time I wish to understand a person better, I am building walls from whom I don't know.

I am an awkward person, I admire those people who can start off conversations easily, especially those that can lead to deep ones. I am always not sure whether does the person want me to keep talking, or to just shut the hell up. See, some people are comfortable with silence. And how do we know for sure?

I am still looking. Still looking for the sort of human connection where - the person is super supportive and is not afraid of asking me anything. A person who asks tons of questions to me and about me. A person who is willing to listen, and above all, listen with no judgment. A person who loves me for who I am, and admire all my little quirks.A person who keeps striving to understand me better, a person who breaks all the walls around me even when I am unwilling. Cause god knows I will be super grateful once that person had done that.

 A person who I similarly understands well, and strives to understand better. A person who is not afraid to open up to me too. A person who I can feel infinitely comfortable with. A person who is real to me.

Still looking. But I guess I will have to be real to myself first. :)