Victories

Everyday is a series of mini victory for me. When eating, sleeping, waking up and getting ready for class is a challenge - well it deserves a celebration with everything I have accomplished. I am scared of all the endless possibilities that may happen in life, and I have not yet fully embrace the unknown, but I am on my way. I keep asking myself if I wasn't so self aware in the first place will I be better? But the answer is yes, maybe, for now, you will be happier, but eventually sooner of later these things will surface, and better to learn how to face it sooner rather than later don't you think? Because your genetics is marked up for it already, and better learn how to deal with it now when I still have the space for development rather than when I am starting to work already. Yes it's tough yes it's difficult but the results will be so worth it in the future. I am going to be such a mentally strong and authentic person. The things that I already knew before, I know it again now, with deeper realisations. Yes it's scary yes it's huge but when you feel fear, embrace it, examine it and if guided to do so, move towards it. I will be better I will get better.

Anyways, a really helpful website I have found http://anxietynetwork.com/content/coping-statements-anxiety.

My personal favourites:

First, use thought stoppage.  Be gentle but firm about it.

"STOP! These thoughts are not good for me.  They are not healthy or helpful thoughts, and I have decided to move in a better direction and learn to think differently."  (You are reminding and reinforcing your brain each and every time you make this rational and realistic statement.)

1. I’m going to be all right. My feelings are not always rational.  I’m just going to relax, calm down, and everything will be all right.

2. Anxiety is not dangerous -- it’s just uncomfortable.  I am fine; I’ll just continue with what I’m doing or find something more active to do.

3. Right now I have some feelings I don’t like.  They are really just phantoms, however, because they are disappearing.  I will be fine.

6. I’ve stopped my negative thoughts before and I’m going to do it again now.  I am becoming better and better at deflecting these automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) and that makes me happy.

7. So I feel a little anxiety now, SO WHAT?  It’s not like it’s the first time.  I am going to take some nice deep breaths and keep on going.  This will help me continue to get better.

1. I’ve done this before so I know I can do it again.
1. I can be anxious and still focus on the task at hand.  As I focus on the task, my anxiety will go down.

3. The feeling I have about this event doesn’t make much sense.  This anxiety is like a mirage in the desert.  I’ll just continue to "walk" forward until I pass right through it.

4. This may seem hard now, but it will become easier and easier over time.

5. I think I have more control over these thoughts and feelings than I once imagined.  I am very gently going to turn away from my old feelings and move in a new, better direction.

2. Anxiety is a old habit pattern that my body responds to.  I am going to calmly and nicely change this old habit.  I feel a little bit of peace, despite my anxiety, and this peace is going to grow and grow.  As my peace and security grow, then anxiety and panic will have to shrink.

3. At first, my anxiety was powerful and scary, but as time goes by it doesn’t have the hold on me that I once thought it had.  I am moving forward gently and nicely all the time.

4. I don’t need to fight my feelings.  I realize that these feelings won’t be allowed to stay around very much longer.  I just accept my new feelings of peace, contentment, security, and confidence.

5. All these things that are happening to me seem overwhelming.  But I’ve caught myself this time and I refuse to focus on these things.  Instead, I’m going to talk slowly to myself, focus away from my problem, and continue with what I have to do.  In this way, my anxiety will have to shrink away and disappear.

Jiayou, you are not your anxiety. 

Somehow I imagine this situation as that time when my face has lots of pimples. Imagine pimples are anxiety, and clear patch of skin is peace. I am super happy everytime there's a clear patch of skin, no matter how small, and I will focus on that to make it grow and grow. Because I know when the clear patch of skin grows, it must mean the pimples are getting lesser, and in this situation means I have more peace and less anxiety. Yes sometimes pimples will still grow back on the clear patches of skin, and I will get very upset about it, and will think that I will never have clear skin ever again, but look, my skin is all clear now, only with minor pimple problems, and if I had did it once, I will do it again. No matter how long it takes, eventually I will be there. Just like when I tried out a lot of different methods to treat my skin issue, now I also have a lot of different methods to treat my anxiety issue. If plan A doesn't work, there's always plan B, C, D. I just have to be patient, and keep exploring and experimenting, and see what method suits me best. It's not even a problem, just a minor hiccup that I have encountered in life which I will keep trying to resolve it. And before I know it and without me conciously realising it (just like my skin issue), the issues will melt away. :)

I love myself so much in this moment.