Rants

How many percentage of it is real and how many is from our own feelings and interpretations. Two person in the same situation can view the world so differently. When I am feeling unhappy how much of it is justified and how much is not. When I am feeling upset should I blame myself or blame others. This sounds like a regression from yesterday, but I supposed it's a two steps forward and one step back thing. I hate feeling unhappy. I can sulk yes, but will that help matters? No.

Yesterday when I had that phone call a series of emotions passed through my mind. At first is annoyance, then frustration, and when the seriousness of the issue gets to me is frightened, then helpless, then the struggling feeling of looking for the right answer. After taking some time for myself, I gradually let the feelings sink in and realise I had over-dramatised matters. Yes, so this thing happened, so the fact is A, B and C and the solution is 1, 2 and 3. No use overthinking no use predicting what will happen in the future because that is beyond our circle of control. We just need to do what we can do and stop guessing and guessing.

It's because of what happened that made me have a need to be comforted, then when I failed to fulfill my need that's when I started feeling upset. This persistent nagging feeling of unhappiness that just won't go away. There's no life manual instrucing me on what to do. No spiritual guru to enlighten me. Just me and a bunch of knowledge trapped inside my head unable to be converted to wisdom yet. It's like the channel is blocked, and perhaps they are all stuck at the toll gate unable to get out because they do not have enough funds to pay for the toll yet.

You know what, the more I delved into spirituality the more I realise these are the stuff that should be thought at schools. Granted languages, maths, sciences and other arts subjects are important but this! Imagine if we have self-awareness since young, aware of why we feel the way we do and having excellent emotional intelligence. Will the world be a much peaceful place? Will we have lesser school bullies issue and body image issue? Will we be happier? It's just a theory, but like every theory we can only predict so far. Perhaps some people really need the struggle of feeling lost to grow.