Things I Am Still Worried About Which I Probably Shouldn't

Have you ever feel like your brain is a tangled of wire? And you just don't know what to do anymore. So many things to do and things will be solved if you just do. But do what? I can open a document and stare blankly at it for ages. I can make a bunch of lists and then suddenly feeling lost and don't think it's practical and wanna redo the whole thing. I feel scared, when someone suddenly tell me something else I have to do.

I thought I had overcome the mental block I had already. Who am I kidding? The feeling is still there, very present.

The truth is, I am soooo tired. So tired of always doing the right things, so tired of having so many ideas in my head but nobody seems to want to make it work (yes I know about the circle of influence thing just let me rant), so tired of living life carefully (say the right things to not offend people but please be yourself), so tired of keep wanting to improve myself, so tired of sleeping so much yet still feeling tired, so tired of feeling tired. 

I thought I had already taken my well-deserved break and I should be okay already. I feel guilty when I am not. I can't afford more time off. 

I am watching the enormous pile of things I am yet to get done, and I am feeling helpless. I know what to do generally but when it comes to the details part I hit a blank. So many ways I can do it but which is the best way the perfect way? The way that saves the most effort. Still a perfectionist, buried under a layer of pretend flippancy. 

I desperately need a routine.

I had been doing so many stuff - talking to people reading articles watching video reading books exercising - but do any of this really help?

I want back my clarity. Last week had been hell. It may continue to be, but I have to keep fighting for myself. Tomorrow's a new day.